Thursday, August 20, 2015

sick of this blooody life....got an email from Dan Barker...





please some one help me

i am in lahore pakistan and it has been  nearly 8 years since i have been suffering from this mental illness


i have obsessive compulsive disorder and i hear these bloody voices




i hear voices every day as a matter  of fact

i am very ill



god please spare me of all these miseries?




what have i done  wrong?


enough is enough


i cant even read books

but i got an email from dan  barker writer.



I read godless by Dan Barker two times in one week and I really
liked it
first. he talked about the fact that he  became a atheist on the ophra  winfreys show then he  talked about writers such as Richard dawkins and sam harris/
he  talked about how he became an atheist and left Christianity in 1984/
he talked about the way he played the paino and were living in wisconsin

some one called him a lair ,
he  said that the main argument for the existence of god is that there has to be a creater of such a big universe

/




his daughter asked him that if god made every one then who made god?
he talked about Richard dawkins and about how he  was an atheist and left being a christian ,he talked about god and about  his existance and about how how dosent believe  in life after death





the compulsions go on and on.




 i have to close switches and taps at my step father and grand parents house in lahore


i have to close switches and taps in lahore and islamabad.,.


i have to close taps and switches at some hotel in nathiagalli which is a city ie northern  pakistan. 

i have to close taps and switches at my sociology teachers house in islamabad

also taps at my law teachers house ./ 


i have issues at my fathers flat in islamabad used

live  in the 5th floor but shifted to the 10nth floor and the tenant over there was a bitch and she was bad to  a girl who was the tenant so she went loooking for a house and i have issues to close switches over there and also close switches in the flat we live in/



i have to close switches in the market and also touch the door mats and i  have to close  the switches  the big  switches which  is actually a coupbord

i  have to do the same to those things on different floors , i have  to close  switches in the coridoor and the entrance of the building

i i have to close windows in building , i   have to close  switches and taps at my old flat and new flat

i have to close taps in the

filteration plant near the zaman park home

i  have to do the same near the islamabad home

i have to close switches and taps at my school and also at the crown plaza hotel , i  have  to close switches in the hotel entrance of  the hotel and the taps in the toilet

and

I have to close switches and taps and windows at my step mothers house

 I have to close switches and taps at my mothers

Farm house

I have to close the switches and copboards and  taps in my  mothers fathers brothers house

I have to close switches  taps etc in my grand mothers brother house

I have to close switches and taps at my mothers cousions house

I have to close switches at that persons saloon

 i have to close drawers in that hospital near our house

 I have to close the taps  etc at the glasses shop  near our house

I have to do things at Punjab club , I have to

Close the drawers in the barbers shop , I have to close the taps and switches  etc , I have  to close the taps

In the toilet and the switches in the bath room/

    I have to close  cupboards’ at my mothers friends house/





And I don’t know what to do since the list goes on and on

It seems as if all this crap will never end>

?.

I failed in the law and sociology exams


Not being able to read books in another issue but I did read a  few  books like godless by dan barker

The taps and switches in my grand parents house  and mother bother me a lot   but there are other issues like at he flat we live in and in peoples houses

And nothing seems to help at all,

I cant live and I cant die

What can I do?

The switches bother me



The taps bother me

I went to a institute with my mother to do some thing and the switches bothered me and other stuff

?




The voices tell me that the world and that they are all coming to get you

You are nothing but a coward they tell me/




A coward who wants to kill him self



It seems as if every one is against me and that they  know what I am thinking and what I am doing , I don’t know what to do .
  I read slow man by jm Coetzee  and it was terrible and then I read pilots wife by anita shreve.
now I am reading brain on fire/
my father has gone to china and I will have to rot in Lahore for a week or ten day.s
I might meet dan barker.


Bye

Danial tanvir.

Saturday, May 16, 2015

WE HIT THE NIGHT CLUBS OF NEW YORK CITY.. I HAVE SUFFERED THE MOST IN 2014 AND 2015,,,IN THE SEARCH FOR GOD?...




i dont know what to say or do

i have no idea when i will be healed form this illness
i am mentally ill.



due to obsessive compulsive disorder and i hear voices,

it seems as if some one  has cursed me


the compulsions drive me insane,
i  dont know what i can do or what can i do.

why does god allow suffering in the world

ife is meaningless and miserbale
there is no point in living and there is nothing to do in life,

a few months ago i could feel the persence of God at an Islamic school,

i love reading   books and that too i can not do,

i love christopher hitchens and also the writer irshad manji
in her book she says  I love her and want to  meet her,


"thank god for the west"and i like that statement,.




the compulsions still  are there

i had issued before to close switches taps etc at my grand parets house and mothers house in lahore,
then i had to the same in my step mothers house
then i had compulsions in the apartment  i live in to closes  switches in different places
then i had to close switches at my sociology teachers house
then  i had to do stuff like touching things at school  like  to close switches etc,

then i had to closes switches and taps at the crown plaza hotel,

i had to close taps in a hotel room in nathiagallli in pakistan and the list goes ona and on\

i told you about the woman in the previous email who lives in the house we used to before and was a bitch,
i had issues to close  switches in the buidlinng i live in .


and to close switcehs in that bitches  house , then i 


I have to put a heavy metal structure in the basement in the correct place.
i am fedup 



i had to close switches in the buidling we live in and also  in my sociology teachers house and also to close switches at a girls rented house who was treated badly  by that bitch,

i had to close switches at the markets near our house and also to touch door mats  then i had to put metal boards in the right place and also to close big power container boxes/

the big power round things that is on the road side/

the list tgoes on and on.

i just want to leave this country pakistan  and to start a new life in Canada



i miss the  heart of toronto and the streets of  bangkok ,the beaches of pattaya and the  book shops of kathmmandu 
what difference would it make to god if he could end all the sufferings in this world,


i am in islamabad pakistan/

i have issues at certain places but the switches bother me alot,
the sames switches in certaim places as i talked about before/



like:
switche in the hosue we live in
switches in that  girls house
the switches in that bitches house
the switces in the market near our house
the list goeson and on/
i have to give e a level exams or urdu law and sociolgy but i dont think that  i  will pass/



the compulsions wrere  bothering ,me and i was hearing voices and i did not know what  to so

i go insane
i do not know that what  happenes to me
i have comntrolled some of the compulsions but i might have to close the swictehs some day  before going abroad,

i have aplied for the us visa and i hope i  get it so i can go to america and meet salman rushdie

i am despaerate to go to america and hit the streets of down  town toronot/

\\
 i want   to start a neww life in canada
and i really want to go to canada.
i want to go to hawaii and heal from this illness
i want to do the compulsions and go to canada.

i want to party all night lon in the  night clubs of new york city and toronto  get rid of the compulsions ,read books and party!.

bye danial tanvir///

Monday, November 10, 2014

THE 18nth of September ,2014,it seems as if the sufferings will never end...




I dont know what to do or what to think
i had gone to bangkok a few months ago and then i was in dubai
i went to the book shop in dubai and bought a few books
then i came back to islamabad and then off to lahore and then i travelled to lahore twice or thrice since then , i also went there for eid.

i was having compulsions at some ones house in zaman park in lahore
for instance i had to close windows here and there in the house here and there since they were open and then i had to close switches in the entrance of the house and the  i had to close a tap in the entrance of the house

i had to close windows , etc , i had to touch things , i had to close swithces in the rooms and the stair case , i had to remove stickers from doors.


i also had to close swithces,copboards ,drawers in the house in Zaman Park,
i had to close the gates of the park in zaman park..

the list goes on and on
i also had to do the same rituals , closing swithces , taps   etc  at my grand mothers house in lahore
 i had  these issues since many years
it was the 18nth of september 2014 and i was going crazy with all this shit when i came  back from Dubai

i was hearing voices and having compulsions
i was going insane i did not know that what was happening to me?

i had a dream then that some one was going to put me in a room , lock me and put barbed wire aroud my body and  leave  me  in a  room with snakes and torture me
then will put you in a mental hospital and now ever pay for it.

i was going insane
i had never felt so miserbale in my life.

i was going bezerk
i did not know that what was happening to me
then i came back to islamabad to my father
i heard voices many days in a row
what was happening to me?"
no one knows
i went to nathiagalli 2 years ago , which is a city in northern Pakistan where the issue was the close taps in the toilet and to close swithces etc in the room,and this continues to haunt me , and as a matter of fact i have compulsions every where i go,


i hear voices
and i have been suffering since august 2007 which means more than 7 years.
the truth is that this illness will never end
then i have issues at the flat in islamabad that we live in, i have to touch door mats and close switches etc.
i also have issues at school for instance writing some thing on the black board with a pen.
i also have other issues like touching the fridge in some departmental store in islamabad.
now what can be done about this shit?
what have i done wrong to deserve this?
i manged to read a few books which i cant do due to the illness i have , i have severe obsessive compulsive disorder and i hear voices
i have schizophrenia and i feel depressed
i get obsessive thoughts for several hours
how can God do this to people?
i do not know
i am going to Bangkok in december for 1 month and i will heal from this illness
i will go to hawaii and heal from this illness 

 my best friend danish tells me to tell the compulsions to fuck off but can i really do that?

life is miserable and the sufferings will never end , i wonder when i will be cured of this Illness , i went to mister books in Islamabad  and bought 


"curfewed nights" and 


"the fields of blood" by karen armstrong published this year in 2014.

what can i possibly do?
It seems as if this illness will never end.
i have to party on the streets of Bangkok and the beaches of Pattaya...
BYE DANIAL TANVIR JAFRI

ISLAMABAD,PAKISTAN,.

Thursday, July 10, 2014

we hit the night clubs of Bangkok

hello there
its danial tanvir here
i had gone to Canada last year and then i was in bangkok and as a matter of fact i am going to bangkok again on the 16nth of july,2014.
my father and i hit the night clubs and book shops of bangkok.
we party all night long and rock the dance floor.

i will be visiting some of the  book shops and also party on music.

i will be gone to bangkok and to pattaya.
my mother is in canada and she is in toronto,she will be  back inn some weeks time and i sent her a list of the books i wanted her to buy for me .


i forgot to tell you that i read the book ënd of faith"by Sam Harris and it was really very good/
i want to have lunch  with salman rushdie

shirley maclaine talks about UFOS



we party all night on the streets of bangkok.
i have to become a writer.
i am still ill you know but i do take medicines.
i might go to the USA in september after my result comes.
Sam Harris book was great , my mother might bring his other book "

""letter to a christian nation"

Christopher Hitchens past away

his memoir was called 'hitch22"
i do miss the heart of toronto , the streets of bangkok,the beahces of pattaya and the book shops of kathmandu.
screw this mental illlness.
i will party and swim in pattaya
bangkok is truly heavenly
i wanted to meet christopher hitchens but he passed away.
where does the universe keep on going?
obsessive compulsive disorder and schizophrenia is the dealiest combination.



we party in bangkok and pattaya ...yippy...
when will this illness end?
the suffering will never end?

nothing can be done?.
will the UFOS come and get me?
area 51?
X Files?
 i wonder what my a level result will be


i am ill,



?
bye


Tuesday, April 22, 2014

BATTLING GOD.

hey there
its danial tanvir.
i dont know what to do or what to say.

there is a very nice  book shop opposite the saeed book bank in islamabad.
i had to wait there for 2 hours for it top open when i went there early morning.

there were so many  books that there was no place to walk or sit,
i was hearing voices so i quicky bought a  book which was ä history of God"
by karen armstrong.


a few days
we had  a party at our house and kept dancing till midnight and then my father and i and his friend went for a late night sanck to crown plaza.
i do miss the heart of toronto and the streets of bangkok.
my father is buying a flat for me.
i have always wanted to reach christopher hitchens  , he has written many  books inclduing "love,poverty and war"
.
i have to give thoes screwed up exams of law and sociology and then i can go out of the country with my father.

i feel guilty for doing many things.

i read Kamila Shamsie's novel "in the city be the sea"


i have talked about the compulsions a million times.
i have to go back to some dammed hotel room in nathiagalli in northern pakistan and close the taps in the bath room and the switches in the room and there is a place in islamabad , dont ask where,
its just a place where i have to close swithces in rooms , i have to  check if the taps are on or off and the list goes on and on.
i have to go to Lahore after  my exams and most likely go top the book shop.

the UFOs buzzed the american capiatal in  the 1950's

i was danicng to the beat of the muscin in Bangkok,
some times i do like watcing movices for example "blood diamond"

i have suffered alot in life due to this  illness.
i did talk to Kamila Shamsie on the  phone.
as a  matter of fact i forgot to tell you that my mothers brother is bringing me a book by sam harris called "THE END OF FAITH"


It was published in 2004 and is a   book on religion.
i did buy "the case for God" by Karen Armstrong.

i might want to meet here
bye ,DANIAL TANVIR JAFRI.
22,ND OF APRIL,2014
ISLAMBAD,PAKISTAN.

Friday, February 28, 2014

life is miserable..,UFOS are for real....the earth is just a tiny dot in the universe.......................

hi its danial tanvir,
here,
i really must say that i am bloody sick of this bloody life.

i miss the heart  of Toronto and the streets of bangkok,the book shops of kathmandu and the beaches of  pattaya which is in thailand.
i am mentally ill,
,
i love my father , he listens to me,
please do read my blog and feel free to leave comments.


there are aliens and i want to be abducted by a UFO (unidentified flying objects).




my obsessive compuslive disorder has shaked the foundations of my life,
i have to close swithces,taps,window,copboards,etc.
i have an illness and i tajke medicines.
i read "the cathcer in the rye:"by rd sainger and it was horrible,
then i read "nightmaire in bangkok"" which is about a man from hawaii who gets caught smuggling drugs in to bangkok , it is by andy botts,
then i read "mayada:daughter of iraq"by jean sasson.
then i read äll the fished come home to roost" by rachel manja brown.
i just read ïn the city by the sea"by novelist kamila shamsie"

i like her,
there was a literature festival going  on in lahore and there were writers lie vikram seth.
my mother met kamila shamsie and mohommed hanif.
author of   ""ä case of expldoing mangoes".
i talked to kamila shamsie on the phone and my mother got her book ""ä god in every stone"""signed as well as mohommed hanif's ""our lady of allice bhatti"
god is heart less,
i hate god.

i have to give my bloody exams and then might go to the USA via france of bangkok via indian,


life is miserble and the suffering will never end.

i might go to the book shop tomorrow in islamabad,
there is saeed  book bank and there are two book shops opposite to it called the old book shop , it is really nice,
i have to become a writer and sell 200 million copies , i also like the writer called micheal crichton who passed away in 2008.
i want to get his books , they were for 50 rupees each in the readings book shop in lahore.
i miss the streets of bangkok,
i want to hit the night clubs of bangkok and the beaches and night life of pattaya which is in thailand.

bye , danial tanvir.

28th of february , 2014
islamabad,pakistan.
the earth.....

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

whats the point of making people suffer so much?...God?


there is nothing to do in life?


whats the point of making people suffer so much?
why does god make people suffer?
what is there to do in life,
I have been ill for many years now,
as you know about my obsessive compulsive disorder which has  ruined every thing.


I love reading  books and that too I can not do,

I had gone to Thailand for 16 days and I came back a few days ago from there back home to Islamabad,pakistan,.


I had a blast over there,
I was dancing to the beat of the music in Bangkok and hitting the night clubs of pattaya


i made friends who gave me a  book called "the teachings of buddha'
and also bought a  book called
by Christian writer Philip yancey,
and also "night maire in bangkok"
and also a  book called "rebel Buddha""
i still have jamil ahmad's'  "the wandering falcon"and '"the disappearance  of the universe by Gary Renard"
i want to buy
'rasing my voice "and "a case of exploding mangoes"
some thing by Salman Rushdie which my mother brought from India..
i hear voices?
joshwa how could you?


i have to give my exams of sociology and law, i don't think i will pass but i do not know what to do except to hit the night clubs of Bangkok joshwa?
please read my blog and leave comments
bye,danial tanvir jafri.
15nth of January,2014
Islamabad,pakistan...